STANDARD NONSENSE SALVO 1: “love vs luv”

Before you go on reading, let me warn you, this might get a bit
uhm… sappy. Really, if you can’t handle reading a grown man talk all
mushy then i would suggest you move on.

Still here? Very well…

Love has many meanings. It has been defined by so many people and in so
many different ways. Love is blind, love hurts, love is a many
splendored thing, love is a chemical reaction inside one’s brain,
etcetera etcetera.

Because of its varied definitions, there is a bit of confusion as to
what love really is. One debate i find compelling is between “love as a
feeling” and “love as an act of will”. The former of course relates to
the most common experience of love, that is “being in love” while the
latter speaks of commitment, whether or not you are still “in love”.
People who subscribe to the notion of “love as a feeling” put emphasis
on emotional connection, that indescribable spark, better known in
tagalog as “kilig“. To them, when the “kilig”
is gone it means that love has gone along with it. Proponents of the
“love as an act of will” school of thought vehemently refute this frame
of thinking. They insist that true love is continued commitment to
someone even when the “kilig”
is gone. These people believe that “being in love” is merely a stage in
the greater act of love. To them love is not driven by emotion, rather
it is driven by conscious effort.

I have problems subscribing to either of the 2 paradigms. The first one
seems to suggest that the heart goes where it pleases, that emotions
dictate when and who (or what) we love, that love is a fragile thing.
While the other seems as appealing as a life sentence, as if love is
nothing but hard work.

So which is which? I could go on and discuss the philosophical merits
of both schools of thought. But I won’t do that. Firstly because if I
do this entry would be unbearably long. The second reason is a bit more
personal. (and as I’ve warned, sappy) It’s like this, me and my wife
have been married for almost 3 years. And yet I wake up every morning
knowing that I could never be more in love with any other person in all
of time and space. (I know 3 years doesn’t sound like much, but I’ve
observed other relationships run out of “kilig”
in much less time. I’ve also been told by my elders to expect the
honeymoon to end after 1 year. But I believe this is for another entry
so moving on…) What amazes me even more is this, it doesn’t matter if
we’ve had a fight and still haven’t made up before we slept. I still
wake up with that wonderful feeling, of knowing without a shadow of a
doubt that I am in love with my wife. This brings me then to come up
with my own definition of love. (and It doesn’t matter if no one will
agree with me on this) True love for me is this, the conscious
commitment to making sure my partner falls in love with me every single
day. I think if two people in a relationship share this notion, then
there’s no reason for the “kilig” to die in a commitment.

Luckily my wife agrees with me on this one.